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  • Searching For The One

    Is there truly "The One" true love for everyone or is it just a romanticised dream we have formed by watching too many soppy movies? Well, I would say: Yes and No! And I hope to explain it from my perspective as clearly as possible. Lets start with Yes, because I did find that one true love that ticked absolutely all the boxes I wanted and many more compatibilities that I wasn't even wise enough to esteem at the start of my desire to find true love. That said, I had gone through a four year journey of singlehood before my husband was.....well.....thrust into my line of vision as the one true love I had been searching for. The four years preceding our eventual migration towards each other was so essential for our eventual total eclipse. Why? Why was the wait important? And what change did it make in uniting me with the "ONE?" During that waiting room of singlehood, I learnt a lot about myself, my likes, my dislikes and discovered that many of my previous choices were very much superficial and shallow. I guess if you are just dating; you could be superficial and shallow, however for marriage, superficial and shallow are absolute red flags! I moved from seeking external visible qualities to going deeper by seeking qualities like: potential, integrity, work ethic, manners, character and spirit. Yes, I wanted a hunk that I could continually want for the rest of my life, but, not at the expense of the deeper and long-lasting qualities. Once that switch was made in my mindset, I was ready to come out of the waiting room and see that "the one" I had been searching for all along.....was a diamond in the rough....but my diamond none the less. So, from this perspective, I will argue that yes, there is the "One" for each one of us. But, are we willing to be Single enough with our self to recognise them when they arrive? Without a change of vision "Your One" will continuously elude you. You don't want to miss Part 2 of Searching for the "ONE": The perspective of the nay-sayers. A beautiful quote that is worthy of full acceptance: "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

  • Why I Ditched Dating

    In these days of "swipe right" on Tinder, or marathon speed dating, I decided to do something radical....something ridiculous, I decided to ditch dating!! Why? isn't that counter productive for finding love? No, ditching dating altogether in order to work on myself and plutonic connections with others as opposed to the endless search for the "one" was one of the best decisions I have ever made. The whole dating cycle began to wear me down both mentally and physically. I didn't think I could take any more disappointments or broken promises. I felt as though everyone just wanted to hook up or waste my time. So, preserve my sanity, I quite literally kissed dating good-bye. I concentrated more on self introspection. A rare action for me. Why do I do the same things over and over again and expect a different outcome? Why am I so superficial? Why am I so demanding? Do I really understand why I do what I do? I knew that if I didn't brutally appraise myself I would continue to self-sabotage any chances of finding any kind of connection, talk-less of true love. So I embarked on the seemingly lonely road of not dating. It was so hard!! No tinder, no perusing on Instagram and Facebook, no nothing! But after 6 months of cessation from dating, I can truly say it opened doors to true friendships and deeper connections. I stopped viewing every guy as my potential husband. I stop sending out pressure vibes and ticking-clock ultimatums. I removed all the pressure from myself and everyone else and began to finally enjoy my own company. I became less selfish in my search and actually started listening to what others had to say as opposed to tick-boxing and scrutinizing. I quickly realised that there were many great guys around me. People I never even considered as mildly interesting before, but once my prejudices and unrealistic expectations were surrendered, I could truly see the beauty in them. Dating can be such a distraction if we haven't truly become one with ourselves. We will be looking outwards for fulfilment and completeness instead of looking inwards and upwards. No one can make me whole. I have to be whole first. Going out socially without an agenda became more of a joy. Just chatting with people without the microscope of inspection was so refreshing. Being able to be myself without trying to be what I thought the other person wanted me to be, was a revelation. I would encourage anyone who is frustrated in the search for love to stop, self-reflect and consider, is it time to ditch dating for deeper connections?

  • Love Shouldn't Hurt

    I have been blessed with really great friends and on the journey to finding "Mr. Right" I often looked at the relationships of my girlfriends as some sort of yard stick. Most seemed really happy, but some appeared to endure love rather than enjoy it. Why? I found that some of their expressions of love was tainted in pain. Whether it was the pain of infidelity, or the absence of affection or even the breakdown of communication....pain was sadly, an ever present guest. Is that what is to be expected and accepted in love? Like all good things in life, Love has its highs and lows, but on the whole, there ought to be a healthy and happy median. So when does that median become compromised? What should true love look like? what is unacceptable in love? For me, in order to answer this question, I needed to understand what love Is and Isn't.... Love is patient, love is kind, love protects, love doesn't keep records of love, love is not self-seeking nor boastful, love is not proud, love is not easily offended. There is nowhere in the definition of the purest form of love that suggests that love should hurt. So why do many accept it? I have come to the conclusion that not enough time is spent understanding love and our very active role in it. By definition, love should protect, edify and build-up. If the love we seek is doused in pain and hurt, we must reconsider when and why the sweetness of love went sour. We must reacquaint ourselves with the true essence of love and humbly accept our part in making love work. My all consuming passion, is to walk deliberately in love in every relationship of my life. To do that, I must be proactive about it. I must be conscious of the many temptations to elevate self above love. Love, in its purest state, ought to be enjoyed and not endured. Love shouldn't hurt.

  • Are You Lovable?

    I bet if you were ever confronted with the bold question - Are You Lovable? - you'd probably answer with a resounding - Yes!! But are you really? What makes you lovable? We show people how to love us based on our own level of self love. If you feel positively about yourself, you will send out positive vibes. On the other hand, if you feel negatively about yourself or cherish a lot of negativity in your heart, guess what? Those around you will be influenced by that negative vibe. To help you decide whether or not you are sending out the right vibes for a love connection, test your lovability level below. Just answer Yes or No to the questions and at the end, tally up your score and see just how lovable you actually are versus how lovable you think you are. Good luck! Lovability Test: 1. Are you mostly pessimistic? 2. Are you often critical of yourself and others? 3. Are you easily provoked if things don't go your way? 4. Are you sarcastic? 5. Do you find yourself more times than not, speaking over people or yelling? 6. Do you find it hard to overlook offences. 7. Do you keep malice and quarrel often with those around you? 8. Are you often late and unapologetic about it? 9. Have you been described as arrogant or proud? 10. Do you enjoy receiving, more than having to give? If the answer to most of these questions is "Yes", then there is work to be done by you to change the vibe you are giving out. A change is necessary to stop the cycle of unwittingly self-sabotaging connections with the right kind of love, that you so desire. All the above listed attributes act as walls in in your pathway to love connectivity. Sometimes, being confronted with our inner status quo is the first step to fostering change. Self-introspection is important for enduring connections with others. You have the power to change your narrative and move from repelling love to attracting love into your life. A lovely quote that is worthy of full acceptance: "Without is impossible to please....."

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