Before The Ring: Knowing When To Act or Let Go
Updated: May 11
I've often wondered why people hold on to toxic relationships even to the detriment of their happiness? Then one day, my husband made a statement, in passing, about a completely unrelated issue. He said:
"My position changes, when the facts change."
It was like, Eureka!! Our position should change when the facts change. If your partner was loving, kind, understanding and supportive at the beginning of your dating relationship and then morphed into an abusive, controlling, Ape....why then do you accept it? why do you stay?
I think the answer lies in the reluctance of many of us to accept the reality that the facts have changed. We are reluctant to leave our comfort zone into an unknown position of change.
At the very least, our actions ought to force positive change; demanding that such a partner changes or you'll be forced to leave. This is particularly important during dating and before marriage. After marriage, things get very complicated......that's an entire article on its own!
The issue here, is mainly an issue of courage. It takes courage to be honest to ones self, courage to speak out, courage to walk if neccessary. The biggest hinderance to decisive action, is a person's inability to relinquish the good memories in view of the new unwanted actions. We cherish the memories of the good times so much that we tend to overlook or excuse the current negative attributes.
Love shouldn't harm or hurt. It should encourge, build-up and add, not subtract from us.
In Nicholas Sparks words:
"Love is like the wind, you can not see it, but you can feel it."
If you no longer feel their love, then it might just be that the love you thought was there has long left. Take decisive action whilst you still can. Do not translate that toxicity into marriage in the hope that you can change them, or that it will get better. It, sadly, never does. Marrige is an amplifier. It amplifies everything, good and bad.