In these days of "swipe right" on Tinder, or marathon speed dating, I decided to do something radical....something ridiculous, I decided to ditch dating!!
Why? isn't that counter productive for finding love? No, ditching dating altogether in order to work on myself and plutonic connections with others as opposed to the endless search for the "one" was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
The whole dating cycle began to wear me down both mentally and physically. I didn't think I could take any more disappointments or broken promises. I felt as though everyone just wanted to hook up or waste my time. So, preserve my sanity, I quite literally kissed dating good-bye.
I concentrated more on self introspection. A rare action for me. Why do I do the same things over and over again and expect a different outcome? Why am I so superficial? Why am I so demanding? Do I really understand why I do what I do?
I knew that if I didn't brutally appraise myself I would continue to self-sabotage any chances of finding any kind of connection, talk-less of true love. So I embarked on the seemingly lonely road of not dating. It was so hard!! No tinder, no perusing on Instagram and Facebook, no nothing!
But after 6 months of cessation from dating, I can truly say it opened doors to true friendships and deeper connections. I stopped viewing every guy as my potential husband. I stop sending out pressure vibes and ticking-clock ultimatums. I removed all the pressure from myself and everyone else and began to finally enjoy my own company. I became less selfish in my search and actually started listening to what others had to say as opposed to tick-boxing and scrutinizing. I quickly realised that there were many great guys around me. People I never even considered as mildly interesting before, but once my prejudices and unrealistic expectations were surrendered, I could truly see the beauty in them.
Dating can be such a distraction if we haven't truly become one with ourselves. We will be looking outwards for fulfilment and completeness instead of looking inwards and upwards. No one can make me whole. I have to be whole first.
Going out socially without an agenda became more of a joy. Just chatting with people without the microscope of inspection was so refreshing. Being able to be myself without trying to be what I thought the other person wanted me to be, was a revelation.
I would encourage anyone who is frustrated in the search for love to stop, self-reflect and consider, is it time to ditch dating for deeper connections?