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Love is not always a straightforward path, and relationships are often complicated. To help navigate our inner thoughts, prayer and support is a good starting point. Let us help you to articulate your unspoken thoughts...... Prayer After Heartbreak: My heart feels like it has been broken into a thousand pieces. Jesus, I need You to bind my broken heart. Please keep me away from bitterness and resentment. Help me to learn the lessons from this journey. Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Please let Your joy fill me. Fill me with Your strength. I know that with You, O Lord, I will be Ok and my story will still end in praise. Cover me with Your love. Let me experience Your healing love. Prayer After Compromise: My conscience leaves me no respect. I am continuously feeling guilty of my actions. Jesus, you are not my accuser, You are my great intercessor. Please forgive me for wilful compromise. I am sorry. Please give me your grace to overcome temptations and act wisely with my choices. Prayer When You Desire to Meet Your Partner: I desire to be in a relationship that is compatible, enriching and joyous. Jesus, the work starts with me. I must be the Partner of someone's dreams. I must develop my character, goals and ambitions in such a way that I attract the right Partner for me. Lord, help me to be patient, meek and teachable. I trust You completely, please help me.

The perfect Partner is not born but made through the many choices and disciplines that fashion their character and outlook. To be a suitable, able, fit and equipped partner you need to work at it. Theses series of blogs are my very own passion project filled with unique and engaging content about Singlehood, Dating and Marriage. Explore the blog posts below and all that it has to offer—perhaps it will spark excitement in your desire to date differently and to look at Singlehood as a positive and productive precursor to Marriage. If you are already in a Relationship or Marriage, I hope to inspire you to be the best Partner you can be. Sit back, relax and read on. It will make you a better Partner! www.ess2ence.com like, comment & share.

Are you and your potential partner financially matched? Do your views and value systems about money match? A good example to illustrate this point is the story about Carl and Celine. Carl and Celine appeared from the outside to be the perfect couple; he adored her and she doted over him. They seemed to have everything in perfect equilibrium until it came to how Celine spent her money. Carl placed no value on fashion, holidays or leisure. He felt they were a "frivolous waste" whilst Celine felt it was her prerogative how she spent her hard earned cash on things that "made her happy" and added value to her mental health. For Celine, holidays were not a frivolity; but a means to reset and rewire. New shoes were not a waste of money but something that made her feel beautiful. Carl, didn't agree. He was more pragmatic and frugal. He expected a rainy day and dutifully planned for such a day with diligent frugality. Over time Celine began to despise Carl's frugality and viewed it as stinginess, while Carl became more and more irate and insultive whenever Celine came home with a shopping bag! Needless to say, their attitudes towards finances presented many disagreements and conflicts within their relationship. Ultimately, their financial incompatibility broke their relationship up. How we feel about the acquisition and utilisation of finances matters. Our outlook about finances heavily depends on how we were brought up. A person who was brought up in abundance or whose parents' didn't bring them up with a scarcity mentality, often grows up to be more relaxed when it comes to spending money. Someone who has tasted the unpleasantness of lack or has been exposed to the negative effects of financial lack can grow up being very frugal even if their reality has now changed and they in fact have an abundance of finances. That's why it's so important to explore ones financial compatibility before marriage. Does your world view match? Does your frugality or spending habits match? Does what matter to you, matter to them? On the other end of the spectrum, you may have a partner that is irresponsible with money and has no problem buying an expensive car whilst neglecting to pay their rent! This, again gives a glimpse into that person's value system. If it doesn't match with yours; it will pose a massive problem in marriage. I can't say it enough, compatibility is the true key to marital success, with communication a close second.

Back in the olden days, there was a sense of community and extended family empowerment that enabled young men to pursue marriage early. They were confident in the knowledge that they would be fully supported in every way by their immediate and extended family. Nowadays, this sadly seldom exists. Families are more nuclear. Parents are often unable to support their adult children as well as themselves and extended families are exactly that - extended far away with little or no discernible influence on the nuclear family. That basically means that modern day young couples who choose to marry, are on their own! They shouldn't expect any bail outs and must be ready to hustle to make the necessary sacrifices- both financially and in terms of maturity - to make things work. Any person without a job or any regular source of income should first fix their financial situation before engaging love at any serious level. They should first figure out how they plan to support the love that they so esteem? This, I think, among other reasons was why a "bride price" was and still is mandatory in many cultures across the globe. It basically shows unambiguously that the person seeking to marry can support that marriage reasonably. Of course this practice doesn't exist in the West, and in this age of women's rights, this definitely is not a practice that is esteemed. However, it still rings true that before entering marriage, one must be responsible and count the cost. It might sound harsh, but its rationally true. You don't have to be rich; you just have to have a steady source of income that can reasonably support you and together with your partner, live gainfully. This goes for both men and women. We are in a new dispensation; women are expected to work and contribute just like men. Being a "kept woman" is a luxury that only a few can afford. We often overlook just how much money or its lack thereof causes conflicts within marriages. Money-related conflicts are frequently cited as a reason for divorce. So, if you feel like you are ready to take love to the next level; stop and ask yourself: Can I afford Love?

So how do you approach a confident guy who knows he has the pick of the proverbial crop? Three tips will set you apart from the crowd: 1. Keep a confident distance. 2. Maintain eye contact deliberately but be subtle. 3. Tasteful flirting. When you find yourself attracted to a guy that is confident and surrounded by a bevy of ladies jeering for his attention, use these 3 tips to transition you from an "option" to the "one". Remove yourself from the crowd and observe him confidently from a distance. Fix your gaze on him and try to gain eye contact. Once you make eye contact; give a brief yet unmistakable smile and then look away nonchalantly. Repeat this a few times till he becomes intrigued. Once you have gotten his attention, move away from distractions and people so as to make yourself available for him to approach you. Once he does, flirt tastefully with smiles, complimentary words and playful tactility. Don't over do it or tasteful flirting can quickly morph into desperate over kill! Remember, after tasteful flirt, the cycle starts all over again with confident distance. If you managed to arouse his interest during your brief, yet deliberate interaction, he will surely be back! Only a truly confident woman; who is sure of her own worth can keep cool and show great restraint even in the face of potential and actual competition!

One day a good friend of my husband and I came over for a visit and with a broad frown on his face, he plonked himself into the chair and blurted out: "How do I approach a confident woman? I'm definitely doing something wrong!" My husband, hastily answered him with a slurry of one liners: walk tall, be confident, dress well, open your wallet, ..... I remained silent while I pondered the question and listened curiously to my husband's advice. At that point, they both fixed their gaze upon me and said: "So? What do you think? Yo are a confident woman; what would have put you off a potential date? For me, the question was quite puzzling. You do not approach a confident woman for the sake of her confidence. You approach a woman because there is something about her that attracts you specifically to her. One must be specific and focus on what exactly it is that is attractive to to you about her. Is it her assertive manner, ease at making conversation or good command of speech and ideas? What are the characteristics of her behaviour that sparked your interest and made you sit up and take notice? These attributes should be the focus of your conversation when you talk to her. I hated it when guys would start a chat up line with innuendos like: "You look snobbish, I bet you are a snub" or "Girls like you need a really confident guy that can handle you!" All such statements are generic, judgemental and off-putting. It actually exposes your insecurities in a non-flattering way that is completely counterproductive to what you hoped to have achieved. So how then do you approach a confident woman? My tip, is to home-in on some of the attributes you like that are suggestive of her confidence. For example, at university I really liked to go clubbing and loved to dance even if I was the only person on the dance floor. This act intimated many of the guys. I knew they wanted to approach me but they were not brazen enough to do so on an empty dance floor. But, there was one guy that trailed my every dance move with his eyes and eventually joined me on the dancefloor and whispered: "Finally, someone who actually came to dance and not just gawk all night!" My interest was immediately sparked. Needless to say, we danced and talked for the entire night from the simplicity of that well timed "chat-up line" lol! The bottom line is this; don't approach a "confident" woman just because you esteem her confidence. Approach her because there is something about her confidence that truly resonates with you. Once you have found that fleeting point of interest, dive in with an apt statement. This is a much more intriguing way, rather than a generic "Hi, how does a guy get a girl like you!" Such statements scream desperation at best and inferiority complex at worst. So, be cool, observe from afar, find out what it is about her that resonates with you, then home in on that with an apt conversation starter!

The key to mutual edification between the two sexes, is learning the art of balancing their roles and gifting in a collaborative way. When observing the role of crockery, we see the versatility of the fork. Forks can be used to cut soft foods, carry foods into the mouth, poke/prod food and effectively mix foods. This versatility is not seen with the knife. It would be odd for a knife to be used to shovel food into our mouths, knives don't effectively mix food. What the knife does and does well, is go right to the heart of its function and dissect and cut foods. That is the singular dominant and effective role of the knife. An additional supportive function of the knife is its ability to work collaboratively with a fork to move larger portions of food. Lastly, a well mannered person indicates their pedigree by moving the fork and the knife side by side in unison to one side to indicate the end of a meal. Men and women ought not to work against each other due to their differing roles and mode of operation. They ought to work collaboratively to make greater impact. Men are not forks, they shouldn't have to be compelled to be forks, they should embrace their "knife status" Men generally go straight to the heart of a matter and cut to the chase. They tend not to skirt around issues - mixing and prodding at problems - they go straight to the centre of a matter and cut at its core. This is probably why women tend to talk around and about issues before actually doing something about it. Men on the other hand generally want to solve issues not talk around it or ruminate over it. There is a place for both approaches depending on the nature of the issue. It took my husband nearly 15 years to understand that when I start complaining, I'm not looking for him to solve the problems, I'm just "prodding and pushing my food on my plate" or trying to figure out an issue. All I need from him is a listening ear and signs of active listening! I don't need him to, figuratively, run a sword through the offenders heart. I'm just prodding and pushing the food around my plate. Men seldom do this; although as always there are exceptions to this assertion, however they are few and far between. In conclusion, Let us embrace our differing approaches to life's issues and embrace these differences for the cumulative and collaborative good of both parties. Diversity of thought and action is the propellant for forward movement. Let us embrace it together!

I once gave a seminar to Singles on the differences between Men and Women and the best analogy I could use to describe our differences was crockery. Men and Women are different in function and once we can embrace these differences we can actually exploit its significance. Women are just like forks. We are shapely by design, for the function of bearing great loads with a flare of sophistication and grace. A true example of our ability to carry great loads is the journey to Motherhood. We are able to carry and deliver children, not once, but often multiple times in quick succession. It is said that if a man were ever to go through labour for just an hour, they would die. This abililty to carry great loads is useful beyond carrying and birthing of children. Women are able to carry multiple problems and foster effective solutions with great empathy. In addition to this, women are able convert things from one form to another. For example, give her a house and she'll give you a home, give her a seed and she'll give you are garden, give her criticism and she'll give you.......I think you get my drift. A Fork is very useful but its ultimate function is enhanced when used in collaboration with a knife. The giftings of a woman coupled with that of a man when effectively tapped into, is like hitting the jackpot. You quite literally have a dream team that is hard to conquer. The challenge nowadays however, is for women and men to stay true to their created giftings and to not work against each other but work collaboratively. When deciding on a future partner one should think: Is this the knife for my fork? You don't want a fork to align with a chopstick or a knife to align with a tweezer. This is the recipe for frustration! Equal pairing, though differing functions, is the true key to an impactful union.

I've often wondered why people hold on to toxic relationships even to the detriment of their happiness? Then one day, my husband made a statement, in passing, about a completely unrelated issue. He said: "My position changes, when the facts change." It was like, Eureka!! Our position should change when the facts change. If your partner was loving, kind, understanding and supportive at the beginning of your dating relationship and then morphed into an abusive, controlling, Ape....why then do you accept it? why do you stay? I think the answer lies in the reluctance of many of us to accept the reality that the facts have changed. We are reluctant to leave our comfort zone into an unknown position of change. At the very least, our actions ought to force positive change; demanding that such a partner changes or you'll be forced to leave. This is particularly important during dating and before marriage. After marriage, things get very complicated......that's an entire article on its own! The issue here, is mainly an issue of courage. It takes courage to be honest to ones self, courage to speak out, courage to walk if neccessary. The biggest hinderance to decisive action, is a person's inability to relinquish the good memories in view of the new unwanted actions. We cherish the memories of the good times so much that we tend to overlook or excuse the current negative attributes. Love shouldn't harm or hurt. It should encourge, build-up and add, not subtract from us. In Nicholas Sparks words: "Love is like the wind, you can not see it, but you can feel it." If you no longer feel their love, then it might just be that the love you thought was there has long left. Take decisive action whilst you still can. Do not translate that toxicity into marriage in the hope that you can change them, or that it will get better. It, sadly, never does. Marrige is an amplifier. It amplifies everything, good and bad.

So now you are finally married. Excitement is in the air, you've found "The One" - but nobody told yo that after the butterflies have subsided and honeymoon phase a distant memory, things start getting real. What do you do when your romantic and attentive partner begins to stop being so agreeable? What happens when that wig flies off her head once she walks into the house to reveal a messy bird's nest? Or When she stops contouring her face to perfection? Marriage gets real, and real is not always pleasant or considered at the start of a marriage. After 15 years of marriage I have learnt a few things: 1. Marriage is an Amplifier. Whatever you dislike in your partner will most likely be amplified in the future. My tip is to learn to love and accept every aspect of your partner. Farting, burping and all! Once you start making "dislike disclaimers" in your mind, it will only get amplified. 2. Do not neglect what you did at the start to attract your Partner. Don't get lazy or complacent. Love is a Verb - an action word. You have to be deliberate and proactive about everything within your marriage. Don't stop caring about how you look. Don't stop trying to impress your partner. Don't stop seeking to please your partner in ways great and small. You can't change anyone but you can determine your own actions. 3. Your children should not replace your spouse. I know all too well how easily women change from doting wives to doting mothers the second they start having children. The children suddenly become everything and their dear husband is relegated to the side lines. Its not a phenomenon exclusive to wives either. I know fathers who live for their kids and their wives are treated as a necessary imposition. This shouldn't be the case. We have the in-built ability to be both Mother and Wife or Father and Husband at the same time. One relationship shouldn't displace the other. What good is your relationship with the children if you have a broken relationship with their Father? This is particularly important when the kids are young. You must learn the delicate balance between being a Parent and a loving/encouraging Spouse. My husband always says: "I chose your mum.....I got given you lot!" Harsh, but true! We must strive to find a healthy equilibrium. 4. Make your home a safe and comfortable place to return. When your partner thinks of coming home, do they run towards it or away from it? We must make it our ambition to keep peace and tranquillity in the home. As long as it depends on us, we must try within reason (Abuse excluded) to keep the peace. That might require you to zip up your mouth from time to time or agree to disagree more often than not. A peaceful and happy marriage doesn't happen by osmosis; we must work at it daily. 5. Marriage is a degree course that you never really graduate from! The second you think you have learnt everything there is to learn about marriage, that's when a curb ball comes flying towards you to remind you that your learning has not ceased. Be open to learn, adapt and change. I'm learning everyday how to cater to the needs of my family of 6. I guess that's what makes the journey exciting! In the words of my Father: "Don't prepare more for the wedding than the marriage."

10 Dating Rules I wish I Knew Then: So you are ready to enter the dating arena? But are you armed with some of the rules for success? Yes, there are some unsaid rules about dating, well, according to me..... 1. Prepare to look your best on the date. Take time to set out nice, comfortable clothes. If you don't care about how you look, trust me, they probably won't take you seriously either. 2. Match your look to the date. Do not turn up in stilettos and a skirt when he intended for you to go on a hike in the mountains. 3. Grooming, grooming, grooming! Breath, hands, scent and hair....in that order! 4. Be creative about dates. It doesn't always have to be in a restaurant. Research a little about what your person of interest likes and make it happen on the date. 5. Learn about your date. Do some social media or mutual friends snooping to discover their likes, dislikes and points of view. This will help with keeping the conversation going and stirring you clear from unwittingly offending them with comments like: "Don't you just hate Vegans? And with an unimpressed look, she replies: I'm Vegan!!" Oops! 6. Be complimentary, but don't over-do it or it sounds fake. 7. Manners & good etiquette always win. 8. If you invite a person on a date, pay for the date. 9. Be respectful to the people that serve you on the date. No matter what. 10. Ask about people in their life that matter to them: Mum, Dad, Sisters, Best-friend, etc. That's a next level move! A quote that is worthy of full acceptance: "Let your conversation be seasoned with salt..."

If the person your affections are directed towards is not reciprocating your efforts at least equally, you can safely assume that they are: 1. Not that into you. 2. Keeping their options open. 3. Multi-tasking on a grand scale. In any of the above scenarios, you don't have to waste your time trying to figure out why they didn't call or contact you like they used to, or why they are full of excuses about why they can't meet up or stay in contact. The simple truth is, if you like someone, you will pursue them in a sustained and consistent way. This is all the more true with men. If men want you, they are relentless. Once excuses start rolling in; you have sadly moved from their main focus to becoming an "option." This is the zone you don't want to be in. It's at this point that honesty and decisive action on your part is pivotal. If you do not want to waste weeks or even months of wondering where your interaction is going, then you need to take control of the situation with decisive action. You have to let them know how you feel and mark out your standards. If you don't, you will remain an option that will most likely never reach fruition. However, if you respectfully assert your concerns, then you are at least in better stay to encourage them to make a decision, and hopefully a decision for you. And if not for you, then at least you don't need to waste your time on a time-waster. It is their right to be indecisive, but it's your right not to wait around and tolerate it! This mode of action requires courage and confidence; two traits that will serve you well in any lasting relationship. Don't render your power to someone that views you as an option. Take control of your narrative. You are someone's number one! The longer you stay with an indecisive person, the less time you have connecting with the true one. So be bold and honest. Take control of your love life. A wonderful quote that's worthy of full acceptance: "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."